1. Felt good. Even had energy, which may have not been a good thing, because then I was feisty and made people work.

2. Made people work. We decided at Family Council a couple of weeks ago that we needed to change the job choosing process. There are now 4 "home zones," each of which has two people assigned to take care of it every day: livingroom, bathrooms, family room/toy room, and laundry. We didn't include the kitchen because it is supposedly covered by the mealtime job rotation, which works with varying degrees of success. The theory behind the home zones is that these are the main areas of the house where messes are made in the course of daily life, and two people are more likely to keep them tidy than one (credit goes to Alice for planting this idea in my slow brain several years ago). This way, the livingroom is mostly clear of the unfortunate but entirely understandable habits we have of dumping all our possessions immediately upon entering the house, and it gets vacuumed at least once a week. The bathrooms get cleaned at least once a week (we need to work on convincing people that tubs and showers count as cleanable objects in the bathroom) and are mostly tidy. The family room and toy room do not succumb to inevitable entropy too much, and at least one load of laundry gets done each day.

3. Grumped at my husband (apologized later) about the difficulty of making people work. I have been discovering repeatedly that having cancer and dealing with the effects of treatment make my roles as person, wife, mother, daughter, and friend expand and contract in strange and unpredictable ways. There are times when I completely give up any plans to be in control of anything or get anything done or exert influence in any way. I retreat into my box of misery and wait it out. There are other times when my mind wants to act like my old self and direct people and express what I think should happen but my body won't provide the support necessary. I'm not very good yet at this part. Then, like today, I feel like I used to feel and act like I used to in my roles, and all of a sudden wonder whether I still have that right, given my propensity last week to just let things slide because I didn't feel well or able to cope properly.

It's strange to have this before/after line in my head around which I have to work. It's odd to think that because Dr. T said those five little words to me on August 11th at Sunitha's house, I now belong to a segment of the population that I never expected to belong to. It's a little scary to contemplate what changes in me will be permanent because of this experience. Darn it, now I'm crying.