It is now officially one year and 20 days since I began chemotherapy. It seems so foreign to me, so far away from my current reality. I still know that I went through it, but I am very happy to forego that experience this October. When I hear myself griping about something, I think, "But I'm here! Why am I complaining?"

Paradoxically, now that I have hair, I am irritated by it. One Saturday a few weeks ago, I couldn't take the pressure any more and I called every hair salon in Provo until I found one with an appointment immediately so I could get my hair cut. I assume that I will slowly grow used to it, and I always have hats to use on Bad Hair Days!

I am taking organ lessons, and emailed my teacher a couple of weeks ago to say that I had been sick and so could not have a lesson. I didn't explain that I had had a horrible cold, which I now think was actually Swine Flu, and that it had taken me nearly two weeks to feel better. She panicked, because her daughter died from the effects of cancer a year or so ago, and she and her husband had just returned from a memorial service held in her daughter's honor in Colorado [the daughter was a firefighter and had her name on the memorial stone for the year]. She pictured all of that happening to me, apparently. I am so happy that it hasn't!

Reuben is having his stuffed dogs snuggle on my shoulder. I am wearing my fuzzy purple robe and pink slippers, and I'm ignoring the chickens. After I'm done here I will go sew and ignore the dishes! More and more cousins keep appearing, as this is the Week Of Wedding [only three more days, James and Nicole!]

I love chaos and noise. I love ignoring housework. I love having my phone fixed because Otto came yesterday to analyze wires and accidentally broke a toy bin by attempting to stand on it. I love braiding Sariah's clean wet hair. I love hearing Jane's voice on the answering machine saying that Ian is in Reuben withdrawal and needs a fix. I love opening a gray velvet box from Frank and finding a Damascus steel pendant he made. I love impending dart gun wars. I love hearing Jazon gripe about reports for work. I love running into Marianne and Julia and Jared at concerts. I love reading my book in the car as Nathaniel and I wait for the bus to come. I love kissing my husband before he is late to work because he forgot he had a meeting at 7 a.m. and we snuggled in bed instead.