Today is the first day since chemo that I have actually gotten dressed. Friday and Saturday I spent almost exclusively in bed. I took anti-nausea medication and I drank lots of water and read about three books and slept a lot. Friday really late James brought Nicole and another Jason over and we played a fun game called Ten Days in Africa or something, and then we taught them Pounce, which was almost too much for my medicine-brain, but I managed to have one brilliant round. Then I went back to bed.

Saturday Steve took the kids cross-country skiing, and they all had a great time. Reuben stayed here with James and Jason and I, and I had a great time in bed, not being cross-country skiing. By the time they got back and we had pizza (Thanks, Laurie!), I was able to lie on the couch and watch movies with them and then go back to bed.

Today at church I made the mistake of sitting by Joseph and Reuben. Ordinarily their wiggling wouldn't have bothered me, but at this stage of chemo, every move they made jarred nerves and it just hurt to sit there by them. I finally passed Reuben over to Steve and then asked Joe and Nathaniel not to touch me, and kind of slunk down in my seat and sat really still. And I was very grateful to sit all alone on the piano bench during primary, and to have the extra cushiony bench at the back when I wasn't playing.

It seems odd to me that my sense of being touched could be this extreme. We live on the premise that touching will feel good. Chemo turns all that upside down, and I wonder whether I will have a problem getting back into "normal" perspective, or whether some part of me will be more cautious about touching from now on.